Sienna (Pt 6) – I’m A Miracle

I hope that something within my story has made an impression or even encouraged someone. There’s a lot of detail that I haven’t included (it’s hard to condense around 25 years into a few blogs!) but by now you must have the picture.

I’m not that person who had a traumatic or life changing experience. I know that what I have gone through, and continue to deal with, seems like nothing compared to the person who beat cancer or overcame the death of a parent at a young age. I had, and have, a loving family. Like I said before, I was a model student in school, and that led to a good run at university and a good career. I’ve lived a good life. In some ways, what I’ve had to deal with seems so insignificant, that at times I feel guilty for struggling with the things that I do.

But I tell my story anyway. And here’s a final anecdote to give some context as to why.

The career that I am in is quite hard to get into. It’s a very competitive career and a lot goes in at the start to try and find a company to train with before you can qualify. I remember going to lots of different talks and seminars about the process and what I could do to get a spot at one of those companies. Nearly every time, the person presenting got top grades, went to the best university and had great contacts in the industry. They’d be there telling you that you could make it, because they did. I used to think to myself how much better it would be if the person presenting made it, but made it by a different route. Maybe someone who didn’t get the best A Levels or someone who didn’t go to Oxbridge! Someone who, when they say they did it, actually inspired you to think you could do it too because they were just like you – not perfect!

I tell my story in the hope that someone who reads it is inspired. Someone like me, who hasn’t had a major traumatic experience but who still knows that God worked a miracle in their life. Someone who has, for all intents and purposes, lived a pretty comfortable life on the surface, but who has battled something that no one knew about.

Maybe someone out there has felt the pain of crippling shyness. You can handle that. I am living proof of that. I am known at work as one of the best communicators and mentors in the company. I have junior staff eager to work with me because others tell them how good I am at guiding and teaching. I regularly attend events where I don’t know anyone and where the whole purpose of the event is to try to build contacts. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still pretty nerve-racking talking to strangers, but I do it, and it turns out people don’t even know that I’m nervous and shy. It even turns out I’m pretty funny. Actually funny as well, not strange funny!

Maybe someone out there lives with the dull ache of loneliness that I do; the thing is, you’re never truly alone if you have faith.

In their song “I’ll Find You”, Tori Kelly and Lecrae wrote, Just fight a little longer my friend, it’s all worth it in the end, but when you got nobody to turn to, just hold on and I’ll find you. God found me. In my hardest, loneliest times, He is there, and He makes sure I never give up. Even though there are still days I struggle with a sense of belonging, the loneliness hits me and I cry myself to sleep, God has helped me embrace my lone wolf status! I travel alone a lot and I LOVE it. I think I’ve even convinced other people to try it! I like live music and the theatre and sometimes just go to gigs and shows by myself. In fact, there’s probably not that many things that I haven’t tried doing alone. I live life without fear that I’ll only ever have to do things alone. I choose to hope that won’t be the case, but if it is, why miss out? Life is for living and living abundantly.

Maybe someone out there struggles with low self-esteem. I can’t truly paint the picture of just how low mine was and how it was like that for a really long period of time. If I’m honest, I still ask God why He made me the way I am because I don’t always like what I see, or like some of my traits. But the thing is, we are all unique. What I may see as a flaw, someone else could be longing for. God makes no mistakes – He designed us to be exactly the people we are. So, if you struggle with this, look in the mirror (maybe even just once a day at first) and tell yourself that you’re amazing, because you really are.

For anyone else reading that doesn’t fall into any of the categories I’ve spoken about; you might be the complete opposite of me, but maybe reading my story gets you thinking about the people in your life. Maybe after reading about my journey you’ll have the tools to share my story with someone you know who is struggling with the same issues.

And finally, it doesn’t matter what you’ve gone through, or what you are currently going through. It may be small; it may feel like the biggest thing ever. You may not see a way out of your current situation. Know this: your story is not over.

With every difficult day, with every problem you face, with all the pain you feel, God has you. To just get up, to just go through from day to day takes strength and courage. Whether or not you believe in God, trust me when I say that this strength comes from Him. He will see you through your mess.

One day, you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come, and like me, you’ll marvel and wonder at the living, breathing, walking, talking, moving miracle that you are.

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